Search results for: dont-lick-the-minivan

Don t Lick the Minivan

Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
File Size : 64.75 MB
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As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia. In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as: The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied. The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks. The funeral she officiated for “Stripper Barbie.” The horror of glitter. And much more! Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.

Don t You Forget About Me

Author : Jaime Clarke
File Size : 90.68 MB
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No one captured the teen portion of the eighties as poignantly as writer-director John Hughes. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Some Kind of Wonderful are timeless tales of love, angst, longing, and self-discovery that illuminated and assuaged the anxieties of an entire generation. Fondly nostalgic, filled with wit and surprising insights, don't you forget about me contains original essays from a skillfully chosen crop of novelists and essayists on the films' far-reaching effects on their own lives -- an irresistible read for anyone who came of age in the eighties (or just wishes they did). Featuring new writing from: Steve Almond * Julianna Baggott * Lisa Borders * Ryan Boudinot * T Cooper * Quinn Dalton * Emily Franklin * Lisa Gabriele * Tod Goldberg * Nina de Gramont * Tara Ison * Allison Lynn * John McNally * Dan Pope * Lewis Robinson * Ben Schrank * Elizabeth Searle * Mary Sullivan * Rebecca Wolff * Moon Unit Zappa

Don t Lick the Minivan and Other Things i Never Thought I d Say to My Kids

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File Size : 30.91 MB
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Hilarious true stories of raising twins from the author of the Ironic Mom blog: "Shirtliffe is awesome and so is this book."-Jenny Lawson When Leanne Shirtliffe and her husband, Chris, discovered she was pregnant with twins while they were living abroad in Bangkok, they cried laughing. Then they just cried. Then they got on with the incredible, hilarious adventure of raising two kids in Asia's city of sin. In Don't Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe explores the hazards of everyday life with children, recounting her time as a parent in both Thailand and North American suburbia with humor and touching insight. Even if she can't teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she comes to realize she's a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for their therapy fund. And possibly her own. "Comic gold."-Publishers Weekly "Witty commentary on the common ups and downs of being a new parent, times two."-Kirkus Reviews "Shirtliffe writes with hilarity and poignancy as to the trials and pains (literally) of motherhood. She is our new Erma Bombeck!"- Elizabeth Boyle "Laugh-out-loud-funny. I swear, she's living in my house and taking notes."-Jill Smokler.

Cold Coffee MOMents You Can t Spell Moments Without Mom

Author : Amy Clary
File Size : 50.79 MB
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As a mom of three children, 3-years-old and under, I became an expert on motherhood's meaningful moments. You know, like, nursing a newborn... with two toddlers wrapped around my legs... while I'm on the toilet... drinking cold coffee. Magical. I could have cried. Instead, I laughed. Ok, I cried a little. Ok, a lot. But then, I laughed. It did not take long before I gave birth to my 4th baby- Cold Coffee MOMents. An online community to share the laughter, tears and not so ordinary MOMents with comical, guilt-ridden stories, advice, videos and information and resources on motherhood, parenting, home management, and family travel. So, sit back and enjoy clean, high-quality PG-13 entertainment while you sip on your 4-hour-old, twice reheated, cold coffee.

April May Fall

Author : Christina Hovland
File Size : 56.28 MB
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The hilarious new stand-alone romantic comedy perfect for any mom who’s tried to have it all. “I don’t think I have laughed out loud so much at a book while at the same time - felt so emotionally connected to the characters.” -This Book, That Life On social media, April Davis totally has her life in order. She’s the Calm Mom—a social influencer with a reputation for showing moms how to stay calm and collected through yoga. Ha, as if. Because behind the scenes, April’s barely holding it all together. Her kids aren’t behaving, her husband left her for his skydiving instructor, and her top knot proves she hasn’t showered in days... Then a live video of the “always chill” April goes viral. Now everyone knows that “Calm Mom” is most definitely not. Now a media conglomerate has purchased April’s brand and too-sexy-for-his-own-good Jack Gibson has been sent to clean up April’s viral mess. But toddler tea parties and a dog with a penchant for peeing on his shoes is definitely not part of the deal. Now April’s calm has disappeared faster than her kids running from vegetables. Worse, the sparks flying between her and Jack have her completely out of her depth. And this Not-So-Calm Mom is going to need a lot more than margaritas to find her way back to herself again. Each book in the Mommy Wars series is STANDALONE: * Rachel, Out of Office * There's Something About Molly * April May Fall * Everything’s Fine, Emmaline

Mommyfesto

Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
File Size : 70.5 MB
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The goal of parenting is to train your children to have slightly better manners than a dog. If you’ve achieved that by the end of day (or even if you’ve failed majestically trying), it is important to celebrate the little things. Like bedtime. And screw-top wine. And with Mommyfesto, by award-winning humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe, you’ll learn the nitty-gritty about what it means to be a real parent. Without resorting to stereotypical “poo and pee jokes,” Shirtliffe finds humor in the insanity of raising children and celebrates using how-to-parent-like-an-expert books as paperweights for your child’s art collection in the recycling bin. Mommyfesto contains more than 150 realistic (and downright humorous) truths about parenting, such as: A Band-Aid and a kiss solve most daily crises. So does talking like a pirate. Expectations of child rearing should be thrown out the window. It’s better than throwing out your child. If you can survive parented piano lessons, you can survive a zombie apocalypse. And much more! Mommyfesto offers parents the opportunity to laugh at the absurdity of childrearing and to realize there is no right way to do it. Blank pages in the back of the book encourage moms (and dads, too!) to add their beliefs—whether bizarre, funny, or even serious—to the book, making this a go-to guide for generations of crazed parents. Leanne's blog, IronicMom.com, was recently declared the Best Humour Blog by the Canadian Weblog Awards, a juried competition. IronicMom.com garners 8,000–13,000 hits per month and has been featured on high-traffic sites such as The Christian Science Monitor, ProBlogger, Wordpress’ home page, Canadian Family, CBC, the Calgary Herald, and Sweet Mama. IronicMom.com was recognized as one of the top five new blogs by the Canadian Weblog Awards (2010) and as the top parenting blog in Calgary (a city of over 1 million people) and as the Most Laugh–Out–Loud Funny blog by Sweet Mama, a popular Canadian website.

Kings of Infinite Space

Author : James Hynes
File Size : 41.43 MB
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Paul Trilby is having a bad day. If he were to be honest with himself, Paul Trilby would have to admit that he's having a bad life. His wife left him. Three subsequent girlfriends left him. He's fallen from a top-notch university teaching job, to a textbook publisher, to, eventually, working as a temp writer for the General Services department of the Texas Department of General Services. And even here, in this world of carpeted partitions and cheap lighting fixtures, Paul cannot escape the curse his life has become. For it is not until he begins reach out to the office's foul-mouthed mail girl that he begins to notice things are truly wrong. There are sounds coming from the air conditioning vents, bulges in the ceiling, a disappearing body. There are the strange men lurking about town, wearing thick glasses and pocket protectors. The Kings of Infinite Space is a hilarious and macabre spoof on our everyday lives, and gives true voice to the old adage, "Work is Hell."

Tough Enough

Author : M. Leighton
File Size : 26.56 MB
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From the author of the New York Times bestselling Bad Boys novels comes the second book in a dark, sexy contemporary trilogy. He’s a fighter who never loses, but is he tough enough to win her heart? There was a time when I had everything–a wonderful family, a bright future. Love. But all that was taken away in a single night, torn from me like flesh from bone. Since then, I’ve hidden away in my second-choice job as a makeup artist. But I prefer it that way, actually. I’m comfortable in the shadows, where no one can see my scars. Kiefer Rogan literally took my breath away the moment I met him. MMA champion-turned-actor, notorious playboy, charming to a fault—he’s everything I vowed to avoid. But he just wouldn’t stop until I opened up and let him in. Maybe I should’ve tried harder to resist him. Maybe I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him. Because I, of all people, know that everyone has secrets. Scars. And that they’re usually ugly and painful and destructive to the people we love most. I just never guessed that they could be deadly, too.

I Love Sharks Too

Author : Leanne Shirtliffe
File Size : 62.24 MB
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Stevie likes sharks. Like a LOT. In response to everything his mom asks him, Stevie has an excellent shark fact in response. “Brush your teeth, Stevie.” “Mom, Mako sharks don’t have to brush their teeth because they are covered in fluoride.” From morning to bedtime—you would think this might totally wear his mom down. But guess who likes, sharks, too? The book is filled with tons of fun facts, and also information about different shark breeds.

Cincinnati Magazine

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File Size : 75.93 MB
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Cincinnati Magazine taps into the DNA of the city, exploring shopping, dining, living, and culture and giving readers a ringside seat on the issues shaping the region.