Search results for: may-contain-traces-of-magic

May Contain Traces of Magic

Author : Tom Holt
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There are all kinds of products. The good ones. The bad ones. The ones that stay in the garage moldering for years until your garden gnome makes a home out of it. Most are harmless if handled properly, even if they do contain traces of peanuts. But some are not-not the ones that contain traces of magic. Chris Popham wasn't paying enough attention when he talked to his SatNav. Sure, she gave him directions, never talked back to him, and always led him to his next spot on the map with perfect accuracy. She was the best thing in his life. So was it really his fault that he didn't start paying attention when she talked to him? In his defense, that was her job. But when "Take the next right" turned into "Excuse me," that was when the real trouble started. Because sometimes a GPS isn't a GPS-sometimes it's an imprisoned soul trapped inside a metal box that will do anything it can to get free. And some products you just can't return.

Here Comes the Sun

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 46.92 MB
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All is not well with the universe - cutbacks have taken their toll, and the sun is dirty and late, thanks to being 30 billion miles overdue on its next service. None of the committees can agree on anything, and extreme measures seem called for.

An Orc on the Wild Side

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 36.93 MB
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'Uniquely twisted . . . cracking gags' - Guardian 'Holt doesn't skimp on the flashes of brilliance' - SFX 'Clever, funny, tirelessly inventive' - Christopher Moore WINTER IS COMING, SO WHY NOT GET AWAY FROM IT ALL? Being the Dark Lord and Prince of Evil is not as much fun as it sounds, particularly if you are a basically decent person. King Mordak is just such a person. Technically he's more goblin than person, but the point is that he is really keen to be a lot less despicable than his predecessors. Not that the other goblins appreciate Mordak's attempts to redefine the role. Why should they when his new healthcare program seems designed to actually extend life expectancy, and his efforts to end a perfectly reasonable war with the dwarves appear to have become an obsession? With confidence in his leadership crumbling, what Mordak desperately needs is a distraction. Perhaps some of these humans moving to the Realm in search of great homes at an affordable price will be able to help? An Orc on the Wild Side is the latest comic masterpiece from one of the funniest writers in fantasy. Books by Tom Holt: J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Other recent novels Blonde Bombshell Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

The Management Style of the Supreme Beings

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 56.36 MB
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'Highly amusing ... Eloquently snarky prose' - Publishers Weekly 'Inventively entertaining ...make you both laugh out loud and stop and think' - SFX When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them any more, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take Good and Evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place. Unfortunately, the sudden disappearance of right and wrong, while welcomed by some, raises certain concerns amongst those still attached to the previous team's management style. In particular, there's one of the old gods who didn't move out with the others. A reclusive chap, he lives somewhere up north, and only a handful even believe in him. But he's watching. And he really does need to know if you've been naughty or nice. What would happen if good and evil were replaced with a more dynamic system based on sound economic principles? Find out in Tom Holt's wickedly funny new comic novel! Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

When It s a Jar

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 66.90 MB
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Maurice has just killed a dragon with a bread knife... and his true love has been spirited away. Meanwhile, a man wakes up in a jar in a different kind of pickle (figuratively speaking): he can't get out, or remember his name... or anything... and every time he starts working it all out, someone makes him forget again. An absurdly witty novel of alternate universes and very unlikely heroes.

The Good the Bad and the Smug

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 63.34 MB
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'This is a must-read for those who grew up in awe of The Phantom Tollbooth...Holt achieves near-perfection in his new comic fantasy.' - Publishers Weekly, starred review 'Exceedingly clever and funny.' - RT Book Reviews New Evil. Same as the Old Evil, but with better PR. Mordak isn't bad, as far as goblin kings go, but when someone, or something, starts pumping gold into the human kingdoms it puts his rule into serious jeopardy. Suddenly he's locked in an arms race with a species whose arms he once considered merely part of a calorie-controlled diet. Helped by an elf with a background in journalism and a masters degree in being really pleased with herself, Mordak sets out to discover what on earth (if indeed, that's where he is) is going on. He knows that the truth is out there. If only he could remember where he put it. A witty fantasy novel of good, evil and everything inbetween, from one of Britain's best-loved comic writers - perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

Life Liberty And The Pursuit Of Sausages

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 83.85 MB
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'Anything can happen... You turn the pages wondering, 'Whatever next?''' - SFX Polly, an average, completely ordinary property lawyer, is convinced she's losing her mind. Someone keeps drinking her coffee. And talking to her clients. And doing her job. And when she goes to the dry cleaner's to pick up her dress for the party, it's not there. Not the dress - the dry cleaner's. And then there are the chickens who think they are people. Something strange is definitely going on - and it's going to take more than a magical ring to sort it out. A wonderfully quirky and comedic outing from the hugely talented Tom Holt Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

Blonde Bombshell

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 70.50 MB
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'As you'd expect from Holt, Blonde Bombshell is rife with puns, complicated setups for ridiculous gags, and a riveting story that is completely implausible.' - Booklist 'BLONDE BOMBSHELL is a clever, funny, tirelessly inventive, apocalyptic leg-hump of a book. Tom Holt may be the most imaginative satirist to land on our shores since Douglas Adams' - Christopher Moore A heart-warming tale of Armageddon from one of the funniest, most original voices in comic fiction today . . . The third planet out from the star was blue, with green splodges. Dirt. Oh, the bomb thought. And then its courage, determination and nobility-of-spirit subroutines cut in, overriding everything else, adrenalizing its command functions and bypassing its cyberphrenetic nodes. Here goes, said the bomb to itself. Calibrate navigational pod. Engage primary thrusters. Ready auxiliary drive. It knew, in that moment, that its own doom was near; because it was giving itself orders, and it wasn't putting in any 'the's. That was what you did, apparently, when the moment came. You could also turn on a flashing red beacon and a siren, but mercifully these were optional. Oh #/$+! thought the bomb, and surged on towards Dirt like an avenging angel. Perfect for fans of Douglas Adams, BLONDE BOMBSHELL is the science fiction debut from Tom Holt - one of the best-loved comic writers in fantasy fiction. Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side

The Magic of Sensible Dieting

Author : Bella Tindale, RN
File Size : 80.18 MB
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A lot of people attempt to lose weight only to find they cannot stick to a diet because it involves too many restrictions, such as counting calories and eating ridiculously small portions. With an easy-to-follow method and simple strategies, author Bella Tindale proves that dieting doesn't have to be so difficult. In The Magic of Sensible Dieting, she offers a no nonsense, flexible approach that's adapted to each person's needs. This guide covers all aspects of dieting, including exercise and healthy food choices, providing the tools to transform your body. From macronutrients to metabolism, The Magic of Sensible Dieting explains everything you need to know to achieve your weight loss goal and maintain your new body shape. Non-judgmental, understanding, and empowering, Tindale outlines a method that includes all aspects of dieting and at the same time debunks some common myths. Giving you renewed energy and motivation, Tindale's strategy will help you achieve your weight loss goal while improving your overall health and well-being.

The Outsorcerer s Apprentice

Author : Tom Holt
File Size : 44.63 MB
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'Satisfying and entertaining.' - RT Book Reviews 'Entertaining.... Holt has a zany humor that will appeal to fans of Terry Pratchett and Christopher Moore.' - Library Journal A HAPPY WORKFORCE, IT IS SAID, IS A PRODUCTIVE WORKFORCE. Try telling that to an army of belligerent goblins. Or the Big Bad Wolf. Or a professional dragon slayer. Who is looking after their well-being? Who gives a damn about their intolerable working conditions, lack of adequate health insurance, and terrible coffee in the canteen? Thankfully, with access to an astonishingly diverse workforce and limitless natural resources, maximizing revenue and improving operating profit has never really been an issue for the one they call 'the Wizard.' Until now. Because now a perfectly good business model-based on sound fiscal planning, entrepreneurial flair, and only one or two of the infinite parallel worlds that make up our universe-is about to be disrupted by a young man not entirely aware of what's going on. There's also a slight risk that the fabric of reality will be torn to shreds. You really do have to be awfully careful with these things. A story of overlords, underlings and inhuman resources, The Outsorcerer's Apprentice is the hilarious new novel from comic fantasist Tom Holt. Books by Tom Holt: Walled Orchard Series Goatsong The Walled Orchard J.W. Wells & Co. Series The Portable Door In Your Dreams Earth, Air, Fire and Custard You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps The Better Mousetrap May Contain Traces of Magic Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sausages YouSpace Series Doughnut When It's A Jar The Outsorcerer's Apprentice The Good, the Bad and the Smug Novels Expecting Someone Taller Who's Afraid of Beowulf Flying Dutch Ye Gods! Overtime Here Comes the Sun Grailblazers Faust Among Equals Odds and Gods Djinn Rummy My Hero Paint your Dragon Open Sesame Wish you Were Here Alexander at World's End Only Human Snow White and the Seven Samurai Olympiad Valhalla Nothing But Blue Skies Falling Sideways Little People Song for Nero Meadowland Barking Blonde Bombshell The Management Style of the Supreme Beings An Orc on the Wild Side