Search Results for "the-funniest-thing-you-never-said"

Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

  • Author: Rosemarie Jarski
  • Publisher: Random House
  • ISBN: 1407079026
  • Category: Humor
  • Page: 576
  • View: 3653
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The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

The Sixth William

The Sixth William

  • Author: John Neely Davis
  • Publisher: AuthorHouse
  • ISBN: 1467040290
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 364
  • View: 6190
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In an Alaskan bar, Creighton Roane watches a TV news story about multiple, gruesome murders that have occurred in a mountainous region of Tennessee. He is stunned when he recognizes the murder scene as the Findhorn River and the rugged Arn plateau, his childhood home. Memories stirred by the newscast develop into recurring nightmares as Creighton becomes aware of his own needs to see the mountains of his childhood and of reconciliation with his father. But the Findhorn valley hides whiskey-making murderous clans and revenge killings that span generations. An ancient stone fort sitting on the Arn plateau houses its own mystery of the massacre of the moon-eyed people and of the mentally unstable killer who gives his victims an amulet for their trip to the hereafter. Wrapped around all this is the gut-churning rapids of the Findhorn and the effect it has on those challenging its treacherous waters.

The Sensible Girl's Guide to Emigrating Elegantly

The Sensible Girl's Guide to Emigrating Elegantly

  • Author: Sally Corner
  • Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
  • ISBN: 1408138840
  • Category: Travel
  • Page: 352
  • View: 6046
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385,000 people left the UK in 2007 for a new life overseas, and women in their 20s and 30s were one of the biggest groups among them. In this book, Sally Corner passes on tips and advice for women on the move, based on her own experience of moving from London to Perth, the most remote city on earth. While dealing helpfully with the practicalities of emigration, The Sensible Girl's Guide to Emigrating Elegantly also focuses on the highly emotional mental journey that women experience when starting a new life overseas. Sally's lively and down-to-earth tone will inspire confidence in the readers whilst encouraging and amusing them with check lists, quizzes, questionnaires, and illustrations. Divided into two sections, the book looks at life before and after emigration. The opening chapters will help readers work out whether taking the plunge really is for them. If so, the rest of the book will lead them elegantly through everything they need to know to make life in their new country a great success.

A Company of Three

A Company of Three

A Novel

  • Author: Varley O'Connor
  • Publisher: Algonquin Books
  • ISBN: 1565126882
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 320
  • View: 1507
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“An old-fashioned novel . . . Elegantly wrought, hard-headed and tenderhearted about the world of actors and theater” (Michael Chabon, Pulitzer Prize–winning author). When Robert, Patrick, and Irene met in New York City in the late 1970s, they were all determined to become actors, and it felt as if the city—or even the world—could be their oyster. Robert was the good-looking, ambitious one. Patrick was tall, ungainly, but naturally dramatic. And Irene, a former rodeo star out of Kansas, was the beautiful ingenue. They were young, talented, and passionate, and they soon became inseparable. But their careers don’t all head in the same direction, and as their lives change course, friendships are tested—and they all face decisions that could undo them. A Company of Three features “a fascinating set of characters, who rely on and push each other away in equal measure, and their struggles are sure to engage readers, especially those interested in the cutthroat world of acting” (Booklist). “O’Connor’s clean, affecting prose and her book’s moving conclusion will stay with readers long after the curtain drops.” —Publishers Weekly

Lies My Mother Never Told Me

Lies My Mother Never Told Me

A Memoir

  • Author: Kaylie Jones
  • Publisher: Harper Collins
  • ISBN: 0061936499
  • Category: Biography & Autobiography
  • Page: 400
  • View: 3619
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In her riveting memoir Lies My Mother Never Told Me, Kaylie Jones—the daughter of author James Jones (From Here to Eternity) and an acclaimed author in her own right (A Soldier’s Daughter Never Cries; Celeste Ascending; As Soon As It Rains)—tells the poignant story of her relationship with her famous father and her alcoholic mother, and of her own struggles with the disease. A true story of privilege, loss, self-discovery, and redemption, Lies My Mother Never Told Me is Jones’s unforgettable account of a not-quite-fairy-tale childhood and adulthood defined by two constants: literature and alcohol.

A Map of Nowhere

A Map of Nowhere

  • Author: Martin Bannister
  • Publisher: Legend Press Ltd
  • ISBN: 190939534X
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 256
  • View: 4683
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'Electro-shock prose that broods with the human need for introspection and the futile fight against it... This is a debut that will beat up your heart.' David Whitehouse, award-winning author of Bed David Price always wished life would blow up in his face. And then it did. His mother died. The urge to paint left him. Then Sarah came his way, followed by Pete, a psychiatric outpatient. Now David spends his time worrying about Sarah’s eating habits, visiting her terminally ill sister and working as Pete’s carer. When Pete’s odd behaviour starts to leave David fearing for his own safety, he is shocked to discover that Sarah knows the reason why but will not disclose it. What is about to happen will change everything. Funny, moving, compelling and wholly original, A Map of Nowhere leaves us wondering just how well it’s possible to know others and, indeed, ourselves.

The Children Shall Be Blameless

The Children Shall Be Blameless

  • Author: W. Jack Savage
  • Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
  • ISBN: 1477111522
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 410
  • View: 1321
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Some men seem to have all the luck. Others dream of only finding a little. Richard Smiths world was the orphanage. It was the only one he knew. All of the other worlds for children, of mothers and fathers and a place called home, he learned from the tears of those who had lost theirs only to wind up in his. From the way they grieved, he knew it must have been something pretty great. Once he had two sisters, they said. One had died and the other went to a place called Iowa with an uncle. He was left behind. He grew up to put most of it behind him and in his search for a family of his own, thought that he had. But an electrical shock opened some door to his early childhood he couldnt seem to get closed again. Each discovery posed more questions until finally there was only one other person he needed to see. It would be a three-day road trip, or so he thought

The News of the World: Stories

The News of the World: Stories

  • Author: Ron Carlson
  • Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
  • ISBN: 0393245411
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 192
  • View: 8445
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These stories come at us from every direction. They are Ron Carlson's response to the eighties, the stories we will want by our sides as the decade ends. Whether it is a husband trying to bring his marriage back together or Bigfoot finally coming forward, Carlson's characters speak with radical honesty that is disarming. They are the men and women all around us who open the refrigerator at two in the morning and see the faces of missing children on the milk carton. The world is a large dose sometimes, and they wonder whether they can measure up to its danger and its magic.

The Floating Feldmans

The Floating Feldmans

  • Author: Elyssa Friedland
  • Publisher: Penguin
  • ISBN: 0399586903
  • Category: Fiction
  • Page: 368
  • View: 7734
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A family vacation dredges up a boatload of trouble in the next witty, insightful novel from the acclaimed author of The Intermission. "An irresistible drama filled with humor and heart-tugging emotion about family and what it means to belong. I absolutely adore Friedland's warm, witty writing!"—Emily Giffin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of All We Ever Wanted Sink or swim. Or at least that's what Annette Feldman tells herself when she books a cruise for her entire family. It's been over a decade since the Feldman clan has spent more than twenty-four hours under the same roof, but Annette is determined to celebrate her seventieth birthday the right way. Just this once, they are going to behave like an actual family. Too bad her kids didn't get the memo. Between the troublesome family secrets, old sibling rivalries, and her two teenage grandkids, Annette's birthday vacation is looking more and more like the perfect storm. Adrift together on the open seas, the Feldmans will each face the truths they've been ignoring—and learn that the people they once thought most likely to sink them are actually the ones who help them stay afloat.

The Boy Kings

The Boy Kings

A Journey into the Heart of the Social Network

  • Author: Katherine Losse
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster
  • ISBN: 1451668279
  • Category: Business & Economics
  • Page: 256
  • View: 4959
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Kate Losse was a grad school refugee when she joined Facebook as employee #51 in 2005. Hired to answer user questions such as “What is a poke?” and “Why can’t I access my ex-girlfriend’s profile?” her early days at the company were characterized by a sense of camaraderie, promise, and ambition: Here was a group of scrappy young upstarts on a mission to rock Silicon Valley and change the world. Over time, this sense of mission became so intense that working for Facebook felt like more than just a job; it implied a wholehearted dedication to “the cause.” Employees were incentivized to live within one mile of the office, summers were spent carousing at the company pool house, and female employees were told to wear T-shirts with founder Mark Zuckerberg’s profile picture on his birthday. Losse started to wonder what this new medium meant for real-life relationships: Would Facebook improve our social interactions? Or would we all just adapt our behavior to the habits and rules of these brilliant but socially awkward Internet savants who have become today’s youngest power players? Increasingly skeptical, Losse graduated from customer service to the internationalization team—tasked with rolling out Facebook to the rest of the world— finally landing a seat right outside Zuckerberg’s office as his personal ghostwriter, the voice of the boy king. This book takes us for the first time into the heart of this fast-growing information empire, inviting us to high-level meetings with Zuckerberg; lifting the veil on long nights of relentless hacking and trolling; taking us behind the scenes of raucous company parties; and introducing us to the personalities, values, and secret ambitions of the floppy-haired boy wonders who are redefining the way we live, love, and work. By revealing here what’s really driving both the business and the culture of the social network, Losse answers the biggest question of all: What kind of world is Facebook trying to build, and is it the world we want to live in? *** “Logging on to Facebook that first day, in retrospect, was the second, and to date the last, time that any technology has captured my imagination. The first was when Apple advertised the first laptop, the PowerBook, in the 1990s—with the words, ‘What’s on your PowerBook?’ “‘World domination,’ my teenaged self- answered instinctively. That’s what these devices were made for, I thought: so small and yet so powerful, so capable of linking quickly to and between everything else in the world. From the laptop, I could write and distribute information faster than ever before. It was intoxicating to imagine, and Facebook’s sudden, faithful rendering in 2004 of the physical world into the virtual felt the same. What could you do, now that you could see and connect to everyone and everything, instantly? “But what, also, could be diminished by such quick access? In the realm of ideas, it seemed easy: Who wouldn’t want to distribute and discuss ideas widely? However, in the realm of the personal, it seemed more complicated. What was the benefit of doing everything in public? Is information itself neutral, or do different types of information have different values, different levels of expectation of privacy, different implications for distribution and consumption? Should all information be shared equally quickly and without regard to my relationship to it? And, finally, and most important, as we ask whenever we begin a new relationship with anything, would this be good for me?” -- From the Introduction