Search results for: were-just-like-you-only-prettier

We re Just Like You Only Prettier

Author : Celia Rivenbark
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"On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like a Skank

Author : Celia Rivenbark
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Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn---sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions. In this collection of screamingly funny essays, you'll discover: * How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating chicken out of a bucket with Sneezy) * Secrets of Celebrity Moms (don't hate them because they're beautiful when there are so many other reasons to hate them) * EBay addiction and why "It ain't worth having if it ain't on eBay" (Whoa! Is that Willie Nelson's face in your grits?) * Why today's children's clothes make six-year-olds look like Vegas showgirls with an abundance of anger issues * And so much more! Rivenbark is an intrepid explorer and acid commentator on the land south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Bless Your Heart Tramp

Author : Celia Rivenbark
File Size : 73.49 MB
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From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress). Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal. So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

Chick Lit

Author : Suzanne Ferriss
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From the bestselling Bridget Jones's Diary that started the trend to the television sensation Sex and the City that captured it on screen, "chick lit" has become a major pop culture phenomenon. Banking on female audiences' identification with single, urban characters who struggle with the same life challenges, publishers have earned millions and even created separate imprints dedicated to the genre. Not surprisingly, some highbrow critics have dismissed chick lit as trashy fiction, but fans have argued that it is as empowering as it is entertaining. This is the first volume of its kind to examine the chick lit phenomenon from a variety of angles, accounting for both its popularity and the intense reactions-positive and negative-it has provoked. The contributors explore the characteristics that cause readers to attach the moniker "chick" to a particular book and what, if anything, distinguishes the category of chick lit from the works of Jane Austen on one end and Harlequin romance novels on the other. They critique the genre from a range of critical perspectives, considering its conflicted relationship with feminism and postfeminism, heterosexual romance, body image, and consumerism. The fourteen original essays gathered here also explore such trends and subgenres as "Sistah Lit," "Mommy Lit," and "Chick Lit Jr.," as well as regional variations. As the first book to consider the genre seriously, Chick Lit offers real insight into a new generation of women's fiction.

Rude Bitches Make Me Tired

Author : Celia Rivenbark
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In this always sensible and mildly profane etiquette manual for the modern age Celia Rivenbark addresses real-life quandaries ranging from how to deal with braggy playground moms to wondering if you can have sex in your aunt's bed on vacation to correctly grieving the dearly departed (hint: it doesn't include tattoos or truck decals). Rude Bitches Make Me Tired will provide answers to all your mannerly questions as Celia discusses the social conundrums of our day and age, including: Navigating the agonies of check splitting ("Who had the gorgonzola crumbles and should we really care?")The baffling aspects of airline travel (such as "Recline Monster" and other animals)The art of the visit (always leave them wanting more . . . much more)Gym and locker etiquette (hint: no one wants to talk to you while you're buck naked)Office manners ("Loud talkers, cake hawkers, and Britney Sue's unfortunate cyst")And much more! Good manners have never been so wickedly funny!

Sleigh Belles

Author : Beth Albright
File Size : 50.83 MB
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www.TheSassyBelles.com Join the Sassy Belles for Christmas, Southern style! With her hair perfectly coiffed and a heavy trail of perfume wafting behind her, local news reporter Dallas Dubois is sure she's about to kick her career—and maybe her love life—into high gear. The director of the Tuscaloosa children's Christmas play has fallen ill, and Dallas is ordered by her station manager to take the reins. Everyone is shocked—especially the musical director, Cal Hollingsworth, who still remembers her as the Ice Queen from high school. Dallas has never met a challenge that a little lip gloss and a Chanel knockoff couldn't fix, but she has no idea how to relate to these kids. Things are made even more complicated by the butterflies she gets whenever Cal is near…. But when long-lost family members reenter her life, Dallas's icy veneer begins to melt. And with Cal by her side, she soon realizes that it's what's under all the hair spray that counts. Sexy Southern fun…with a hint of magnolia!

Good Girls Finish Last

Author : Sarah Parvis
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Treasury of remarks on bad behaviour from some of the sharpest, funniest women.

Red Flags

Author : Gary S. Aumiller
File Size : 81.39 MB
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Sure, he's gorgeous, funny, and charming—but early in any doomed relationship there are warning signals foretelling the bad news to come. Studies show that most women will try to justify these signs, excusing them so they don't interfere with their fantasy of having met the perfect man. Unfortunately, such signs are usually all too prophetic—they are the essence of what Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb call "Red Flags." The question then becomes how to detect and respond to a Red Flag before it's too late. This first-of-its-kind book will help readers determine a man's all-important "loser potential" within the first three dates. Each chapter includes a profile of a different loser, a post-date quiz to help you determine if Mr. Right is Mr. Wrong, and important information about the best way to break up with him. Red Flags has all the fun of a magazine quiz combined with the expertise of psychologists who specialize in the techniques used by the police to profile criminals. They know how to spot the rejects—and now you will, too!

Winter fun From St Nicholas magazine

Author : William Osborn Stoddard
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American Book Publishing Record

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Lippincott s Monthly Magazine a Popular Journal of General Literature

Author :
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A Dollar Short

Author : Karin Gillespie
File Size : 56.63 MB
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Waitress Chiffon Butrell is outraged when she learns that her husband has left her and their three children for a famous actress, a situation that prompts Chiffon to turn to her best friends and an estranged sister for help. By the author of Bet Your Bottom Dollar. 60,000 first printing.

Milkrun Mills Boon M B

Author : Sarah Mlynowski
File Size : 84.79 MB
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Must think happy thoughts. Julie Andrews dancing. Cadbury's chocolate Easter eggs. But no amount of positive thinking changes the fact that Jeremy–the man of my dreams, the man I would marry, the man who should spend his whole life worshipping me and lavishing me with kisses–went to Thailand to find himself.

Young England

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The North Carolina Historical Review

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Carolina Comments

Author :
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Mrs Keats Bradford

Author : Maria Louise Pool
File Size : 67.11 MB
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The Pacific

Author :
File Size : 25.99 MB
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Ellie May is Totally Happy to Share her Place in the Spotlight

Author : Marianne Levy
File Size : 47.56 MB
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The second in the exciting new Jelly Pie series of books for girls from Marianne Levy about a little film star with a big personality. Dear Everybody, I’m an incredibly famous film star! Everyone knows who I am, even Eskimos and people in France. And I’ve just made friends with an amazingly beautiful model. In fact, she’s going to be in my next film! Jeffrey’s worried I won’t like sharing the spotlight. But I’m sure it’ll be fine. After all, I always share my fudge cake. Well, almost always, anyway . . . Love, Ellie May xxx Looking for a new series of books for girls? Ellie May is the new comedy heroine on the block. With a ditzy brain but an enormous heart she finds herself in all manner of troubles, whether it’s hanging out with super-beautiful models or meeting Eskimos. Ellie May is wonderfully brought to life by the cute but comedic illustrations by rising star Ali Pye. ‘This book made me laugh out loud. Ellie May rocks!’ Andy Stanton, author of Mr Gum. ‘Very, very funny. A sparkling showstopper’ The Independent.

The Bloodline Feud

Author : Charles Stross
File Size : 36.16 MB
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The Bloodline Feud by Charles Stross includes The Family Trade and The Hidden Family - the first two instalments of The Merchant Princes series combined in one volume. Miriam Beckstein is a successful reporter for a hi-tech magazine. So when she discovers a huge money-laundering scam, she thinks she's hit the big time. But when she takes it to her editor, not only is she fired, but she starts to receive death threats. And that's just the beginning. To distract her furious daughter, Miriam's adoptive mother unearths mementos from her real mother, murdered when she was an infant. But these reveal a secret that will ultimately throw entire governments into disarray. For what Miriam thinks is a simple locket has the power to fling her into an alternate timeline. In this less-developed world, knights on horseback wield automatic weapons, and world-skipping assassins lurk - all on the other side of our reality. Here, her true family runs a criminal empire - and they want her back. But Miriam has other plans. Following The Bloodline Feud are two further omnibus volumes, The Traders' War and The Revolution Trade.